I always wanted to be independent in every way since I was a teenager. I knew what I wanted to be in life, how much income I wanted, who I wanted to support and how much to give back. I fixed my eyes on the goal and never looked back. Until the time I had my first episode of Depression, life became to crumble before me. No more solid career paths, no more being able to support my grandparents when I was the one who needed the support. I could not understand the neverending struggle I was facing, falling into the deepest darkest pits of Depression when I was a teenager. But looking back, it was probably the most significant event in my teenager years, shaping and sharpening on who I was
I chose rehabilitation over staying comfortable in my family home for several reasons. The comfort of home was getting to me, sometimes triggering me to the depths of despair. I grew too comfortable in this home, living in the same environment for 26 years. Yes, I did say that, 26 years! I believe everything happens for a reason, and I did not keep on fighting with the mental health hospital system for 7 years, being hospitalised more than I needed. I needed quits for being in the hospital. Needed something else. Something that helps me step down from the mental health hospital system.
Then I found
Rehab is an amazing place, just amazing. Everything about it is amazing, but don't get me wrong. There are challenges as well, learning to maintain
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trulyto become in my adulthood. rehab. balancebetween cooking, cleaning, exercising, socialising, relaxing is not as easy as the click of a finger. I am taught to build more resilience during these times. And here I found my independence again, with the help of some support is just, so so wonderful.
Photo by Alex Ate Paper
I have been very busy in my life. From being involved in my church a bit more, keeping active in my exercise regimes, and frequent visits with my local mental health service. Yes, I still do see a mental health team. I have started a Gratefulness Diary, as well as, starting a 'written first-aid kit' - where I write anything, almost everything, down into this book - from how I'm feeling, what time I got out of bed, any voices I hear (that's not of God, especially), and any notes from my counselling and mental health clinicians' appointments. Etcetera. Etcetera.
To sum it up, I have been quite active in my recovery. I have a list of contacts I call when I'm distressed, or stressed - I have to be mindful that's only been a few months past since my last mental health ward hospital admission. I haven't reached that baseline yet. I pray that I will maintain a steady pace after I reach that baseline for myself.
I have noticed my weaknesses include rushing things, being impatient with some things and people in particular. Not everything works for me in my recovery, but I am happy to try it as long as I can make an informed decision about it. I am working on my weaknesses and flaws.
And remember to be gentle and kind to
myself. Not everyone is kind in helping with my recovery, but it's important to keep on focusing on the positives.